Remus J Lupin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wolfjohnwolf) wrote2018-12-15 06:59 pm
wolfjohnwolf) wrote2018-12-15 06:59 pm
Entry tags:
duplicity memory share
1. happier days
Maybe agreeing to Prongs' whole "lad's summer holiday" idea wasn't the smartest move after all. Sure, Remus had seen Sirius in various states of undress since they were eleven, living in the same dorm will do that, but...
It's different like this. Sirius has been shirtless and in too-short-for-Remus'-sanity swimming trunks almost constantly in the approximately 48 hours they've been at the beach house the Potters had rented out, and Remus might just die if it continues. Or worse, he'll get caught looking for a little too long and then die.
The thing is, Sirius has always been effortlessly, infuriatingly attractive. He was the most unfair person Remus had ever met, all the way from his gorgeous, silky black hair to his weirdly elegant toes. Even his toes looked good. What the hell. The point being, Remus has a lot of practice ignoring this, or at least not letting on that he very much notices. Next to him, even discounting the scars, Remus is-- nothing to look at, really. Bland. Boring. What self-respecting fifteen year old boy wears a shirt to go swimming at the beach? Remus, apparently.
When they're at school, Sirius has to have clothing on more hours of the day than not. And otherwise, it's just a matter of showering at a different time and having a book to read by his bedside so he can be distracted by that when Sirius is flaunting around the dorm in various states of undress. Now, though, they're on holiday. At a private beach. And Sirius is not only able, but actively encouraged by the environment to be as naked as he likes. And he likes to be naked. Remus can only count himself lucky he's only tried to initiate skinny dipping when it's dark out.
So lost is he in his teenage woes that he doesn't notice the black blur thundering towards him until it's too late and Padfoot barrels into him, knocking him to the sand with a playful bark and slobbering all over his face, his front paws on Remus' chest as his tail wags furiously.
"Agh! Get off, ugh, wet dog smell!" Remus protests, shoving at the heavy canine and completely failing to hold back a laugh. "You got me, alright? You're the worst, Padfoot."
Padfoot hops off him and shifts back to normal as Remus wipes at his face, grinning that mischievous grin that does unfair things to Remus' stomach. "You know we're on holiday, right? Holidays are not for standing by yourself and thinking." He offers Remus a hand up.
"How would you know, you never think anyway." Remus takes the help, but then shoves a handful of sand into Sirius' stupid, perfect hair as soon as he's upright again.
He takes off running towards the water to the sound of Sirius' mock outrage, still laughing as Sirius tackles him to the sand again, this time still boy-shaped. Remus realizes his grave error about the time Sirius' very human body lands on his back and stays, pinning him down. At least he has an excuse for the breath being knocked out of him. He's never been so glad to fall face-first.
"You're such a little shit, Moony!" The fact that Sirius sounds all too pleased about that is enough to make him grin, despite the terrible, terrible situation he's gotten himself into. His thin t-shirt isn't nearly enough to keep the heat from Sirius' too-close body from getting to him. He just has to get into the ocean, waist-deep at least. The water's still pretty cold, and he has the perfect excuse now that he's absolutely covered in wet sand.
"You still smell like wet dog!" He tries to wrestle Sirius off, but Remus has always been on the scrawny side of thin. It does him no good, especially when Sirius purposefully becomes dead weight on top of him with a cackle. "I'm never going to get all this sand off me." He grumbles, though the smile he can't keep off his face keeps it from having any real tone of harshness.
2. we know you're a werewolf
It's mid-afternoon the day after the full moon, and Remus has only just gotten back from the hospital wing. He'd hoped no one would be in the dorm room, but no such luck. James, Sirius, and Peter are all there, gathered near James' bed, and the three of them look over at him as he quietly enters the room.
"Um... haven't missed any prank planning, have I?" Remus asks with a forced smile, his voice rough. He subconsciously tugs the sleeve of his sweater further over his wrist, where a new scar from the night previous ends. "That's not fair, getting up to things when you know I'm visiting home."
"Nah, you didn't miss anything... but we do need to talk to you about something." James says, and the bottom falls out of Remus' stomach. It can't be anything good. Did they figure him out? He's never seen James look so solemn, and Sirius looks like he's bursting to say something, and Peter-- well, Peter always looks sort of nervous anyway.
"Oh... sure, of course." His bed is positioned next to James', so he sits on the side of it and James and Sirius do the same on James' bed. Peter awkwardly leans against the wall, looking like he's not sure whether he should be there or not.
There is an awkward silence where Remus waits for one of them to say something, James figures out what to say, and Peter waits to go along with whatever James says... but then Sirius cuts in with all his usual tact.
"We know you're a werewolf."
And Remus' world crashes around his ears. "I–" He chokes out, swallows roughly, tries again. He can't look any of them in the eye, he doesn't want to see the hatred, the disgust, the pity. "What? No I'm not! That's--"
"There's no point in lying anymore, alright?" Sirius' tone is perhaps more abrasive than he intended, and James smacks him in the arm.
Remus barely notices, his eyes flooding with tears, his voice choked with them. They fall as rushed, half-panicked words tumble out of his mouth. "Please don't tell anyone! I won't bother you, I swear, I won't talk to you ever again, I can-- I can ask to be put in a different dorm if you like, just please don't tell!" He's already lost the only friends he ever had but maybe he won't have to lose his education as well. A sob bubbles up in his throat and he bites back another one.
There's a stunned silence from the other boys. They've never seen him cry, not even when he fell from his broom during flying lessons the year before and broken his leg. Remus wipes at his eyes with his sleeve, ashamed.
James reacts first, moving over to Remus' bed and somewhat awkwardly rubbing his back. "Hey, none of that, alright? We don't care. We just wanted you to know that-- you don't have to hide it anymore, okay?"
Now it's Remus' turn to be stunned to silence as Sirius and Peter chime in their agreement.
They don't care? How can they not care? They've had a monster sharing their dorm with them, he's lied to them every month they were in school together for over a year now, and they don't mind?
"I don't understand..." He whispers, tangling his hands in the fabric of his pants and staring down at them. "It doesn't bother you at all?"
"You're still you." Sirius says, as though it's that simple. "You're our friend. Who else is gonna go over all of Pete's essays, huh? I know I'm not doing it. You're the only reason he got past first year!"
"Hey!" Peter protests, to the laughter of James and Sirius. "That's not true!"
Remus lets out a startled, somewhat watery laugh of his own, and glances up at Sirius, who is now beaming. No fear, no disgust, no pity. No hatred. Not in any of their faces. James' hand falls away from his back, but he's still nearby, a warm presence.
"You're not getting rid of us just because you have a furry little problem sometimes." James says with a grin, and Remus wipes at his eyes again, smiling, now trying to hold back tears of gratitude.
3. the willow incident
Remus' skin crawls with the rising of the moon and he paces restlessly, already having tucked away his clothes and his wand.
The terrible aching that's been present all day changes suddenly to searing heat, bones preparing to snap and stretch. A scream tears itself from his throat and he picks up one of the few remaining chairs, smashing it against the wall in a futile attempt of release from the pain of it.
The pain is maddening, all-consuming, as the sickening sound of his transformation fills his ears. Everything smells sharp, like even the scent of the wind could cut him open, and his eyes dart desperately to the moon, praying for it to deliver his mind from the torment, to let him slip into the blinding, deafening dark that will carry through til morning. He throws himself at the walls desperately, a sound of snapping wood, anything to end it, please just let it end.
Just before he succumbs to it, there's a scent on the air, something that makes his stomach twist in horrible realization. A human. Not dog or stag or rat and he knows the scent, recognizes who is about to become prey for the werewolf, and the instincts of the wolf take over before the mind of the boy has left, demanding blood hunt kill, and Remus' screams are no longer screams but howls, and finally the darkness mercifully takes him.
In the blink of an eye, Remus wakes up to the familiar sight of the hospital wing ceiling. The bone-deep ache is also familiar, but it hasn't been this bad in a long time. Not since Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail started accompanying him for full moons.
There are two hushed voices nearby and Remus slowly looks towards them, blinking blearily as James and Sirius emerge from under the cloak.
James looks furious, glaring at Sirius, and Sirius-- he looks like Padfoot did after he chewed a hole through Remus' shoe. The area around his right eyes is darkened, bruised and swollen.
"Hey, Moony." James' expression softens as he looks back at Remus, and hands him a glass of water Madam Pomfrey must have left at his bedside. Remus downs it gratefully, the cold liquid soothing his throat.
As usual, it takes a few confused moments for the last few moments of his memories of the night before return, and when they do, Remus feels like he might be sick.
"Someone-- Right before I transformed..." He whispered, horrified. "Someone was in the tunnel. It was Snape."
James opens his mouth to speak, but Sirius beats him to it.
"I didn't mean to, I swear... I didn't think he'd make it past the willow, not for a second! I just thought he'd get knocked around by it, you have to believe me!"
Remus' blood chills. James' hand clenches into a fist and he notices his knuckles are bruised. Slowly, the pieces are coming together, but as they do, Remus' world falls apart.
"Did I-- oh God..." He'd killed someone. He'd killed Snape. Or possibly turned him, possibly done the same horrific thing to him that was done to Remus as a child.
James notices his panic and speaks quickly. "I pulled him back before anything could happen. You didn't hurt anyone, Moony, but-- he did see you."
Remus slumped back onto his pillows, like a marionette whose strings had been cut. He hadn't hurt anyone-- anyone other than himself, anyway. But now, Snape knew without a doubt what he was-- and Sirius had been the one to deliver the means to that information.
That James was willing to punch Sirius, his brother in every respect that mattered, on his behalf-- he feels a strange sort of gratitude for that.
"You should both go." He says lowly, staring down at the blanket covering him.
"Wait, Moony, please... I'm so sorry, you have to forgive me!" Sirius pleads, and Remus has never heard him sound so desperate.
"Please go." He insists, closing his eyes before any tears can take shape and firming his tone. Either it does the trick, or James reigns him in.
"Alright, Moony... get some rest, yeah?" James says softly, and he hears the sound of the bed curtains opening and closing before two sets of footsteps fade away.
Remus takes the pillow from behind his head and presses it over his face, breathing in wetly and exhaling tears.
Snape knew. He already had every reason to hate Remus, and now he had the ammunition to ruin him. And he'd do it too, Remus had no doubt about that.
And Sirius-- Sirius had told him where to find him on the full moon. Why? Either he'd tried to murder Snape using Remus as the weapon, or he'd risked Remus' life and betrayed his trust for the sake of a violent "prank". He has no doubts what would have happened to him if he'd bitten or killed Snape-- it wouldn't matter that it wasn't his fault. He would have been put down by the Ministry, like a feral animal. Like a monster.
He sobs into the pillow. Either way, everything would change now. He wouldn't be allowed to go to school anymore, he was sure of it. And the Marauders-- the Marauders were over. How could they ever come back from this? How could he trust Sirius again? Sure, James was furious with Sirius right now, but the two of them had always been closest... he was sure if it came down to it, James would pick Sirius in the end. And wherever James went, Peter would follow. Not that that would really matter once he was kicked out of the school forever, would it? And what was wrong with him, that the quiet ember of the deeper feelings he'd been holding for Sirius hadn't flickered out?
4. war horrors
Remus had thought he'd known what he was getting into when he'd signed on with the Order. He thought he'd be prepared for it, between Moody's rushed but intense training and the stories he'd heard of the Death Eater's activities. He wasn't a squeamish person, either, not with the monthly transformations he'd experienced all of his remembered life.
None of that actually prepared him for this, though.
The Order had gotten intel that Voldemort was going to start sending Greyback to terrorize the families of those who refused to join him, but they'd been too late to stop him, that was clear as soon as they arrived and saw the Dark Mark over the Bones' residence.
Remus' blood had chilled but he and Moody had entered cautiously nonetheless, wands at the ready.
"You check the perimeter, Lupin." Moody grumbled in his usual gruff manner. "I'll look for survivors."
Remus nodded faintly, but the scent of blood was rotten in the air-- he knew there wouldn't be any. Later, he'd realize leaving him to check the perimeter instead of the bodies was Moody's attempt at being kind, but it was for naught.
One of the children had tried to escape. Or, that's what Remus guessed anyway, since he found what was left of her body in the backyard. She was so small, and if he didn't know Edgar had a five year old girl, he'd have had no chance of identifying her, so mangled was her tiny body.
Remus emptied his stomach into the shrubbery by the back door and didn't feel remotely better.
This is what people think of, when they think of werewolves, he thinks dully. But that monster didn't even do this on the full moon. He'd been completely cognizant, completely in control of his actions. And he'd done it on the orders of a wizard.
Remus gathered himself as best he could, doing his job of making certain the perimeter was clear before meeting Moody back inside. "We're clear. No sign of anyone left."
"Couldn't find the youngest girl." Moody mutters, but seems to see the answer in Remus' face before he gives it.
He shakes his head, falling into a kitchen chair more than sitting at it. "I think-- I think she tried to escape. Maybe she'd hidden or something, but-- she didn't make it."
There was a heavy silence between the two of them, and then Moody sighs.
"We were too late." Remus says roughly, hardly recognizing his own voice.
"Aye. Not the first time, and it won't be the last, lad. Up you go, there's work to be done yet. And then yer to go to the Potter's, understand? Yer not to be on yer own tonight." A heavy hand gripped his shoulder and Remus rose to his feet, trying to block out the grisly sight in the garden and focus on what needed to be done. Edgar Bones may have had Order information-- Greyback wasn't there for information-gathering, he was a final punishment. So anything that was here had to be found and either brought back to Dumbledore or destroyed.
"Get some water first, boy, you look like yer about to tip over!" Moody barked, and Remus followed the command blindly, though he felt wrong about moving about in a dead family's kitchen. He was going to feel even more wrong about digging through their things in search of Order information, he was sure, but Edgar had been an Order member. He'd known the risks.
They all knew the risks.
Maybe agreeing to Prongs' whole "lad's summer holiday" idea wasn't the smartest move after all. Sure, Remus had seen Sirius in various states of undress since they were eleven, living in the same dorm will do that, but...
It's different like this. Sirius has been shirtless and in too-short-for-Remus'-sanity swimming trunks almost constantly in the approximately 48 hours they've been at the beach house the Potters had rented out, and Remus might just die if it continues. Or worse, he'll get caught looking for a little too long and then die.
The thing is, Sirius has always been effortlessly, infuriatingly attractive. He was the most unfair person Remus had ever met, all the way from his gorgeous, silky black hair to his weirdly elegant toes. Even his toes looked good. What the hell. The point being, Remus has a lot of practice ignoring this, or at least not letting on that he very much notices. Next to him, even discounting the scars, Remus is-- nothing to look at, really. Bland. Boring. What self-respecting fifteen year old boy wears a shirt to go swimming at the beach? Remus, apparently.
When they're at school, Sirius has to have clothing on more hours of the day than not. And otherwise, it's just a matter of showering at a different time and having a book to read by his bedside so he can be distracted by that when Sirius is flaunting around the dorm in various states of undress. Now, though, they're on holiday. At a private beach. And Sirius is not only able, but actively encouraged by the environment to be as naked as he likes. And he likes to be naked. Remus can only count himself lucky he's only tried to initiate skinny dipping when it's dark out.
So lost is he in his teenage woes that he doesn't notice the black blur thundering towards him until it's too late and Padfoot barrels into him, knocking him to the sand with a playful bark and slobbering all over his face, his front paws on Remus' chest as his tail wags furiously.
"Agh! Get off, ugh, wet dog smell!" Remus protests, shoving at the heavy canine and completely failing to hold back a laugh. "You got me, alright? You're the worst, Padfoot."
Padfoot hops off him and shifts back to normal as Remus wipes at his face, grinning that mischievous grin that does unfair things to Remus' stomach. "You know we're on holiday, right? Holidays are not for standing by yourself and thinking." He offers Remus a hand up.
"How would you know, you never think anyway." Remus takes the help, but then shoves a handful of sand into Sirius' stupid, perfect hair as soon as he's upright again.
He takes off running towards the water to the sound of Sirius' mock outrage, still laughing as Sirius tackles him to the sand again, this time still boy-shaped. Remus realizes his grave error about the time Sirius' very human body lands on his back and stays, pinning him down. At least he has an excuse for the breath being knocked out of him. He's never been so glad to fall face-first.
"You're such a little shit, Moony!" The fact that Sirius sounds all too pleased about that is enough to make him grin, despite the terrible, terrible situation he's gotten himself into. His thin t-shirt isn't nearly enough to keep the heat from Sirius' too-close body from getting to him. He just has to get into the ocean, waist-deep at least. The water's still pretty cold, and he has the perfect excuse now that he's absolutely covered in wet sand.
"You still smell like wet dog!" He tries to wrestle Sirius off, but Remus has always been on the scrawny side of thin. It does him no good, especially when Sirius purposefully becomes dead weight on top of him with a cackle. "I'm never going to get all this sand off me." He grumbles, though the smile he can't keep off his face keeps it from having any real tone of harshness.
2. we know you're a werewolf
It's mid-afternoon the day after the full moon, and Remus has only just gotten back from the hospital wing. He'd hoped no one would be in the dorm room, but no such luck. James, Sirius, and Peter are all there, gathered near James' bed, and the three of them look over at him as he quietly enters the room.
"Um... haven't missed any prank planning, have I?" Remus asks with a forced smile, his voice rough. He subconsciously tugs the sleeve of his sweater further over his wrist, where a new scar from the night previous ends. "That's not fair, getting up to things when you know I'm visiting home."
"Nah, you didn't miss anything... but we do need to talk to you about something." James says, and the bottom falls out of Remus' stomach. It can't be anything good. Did they figure him out? He's never seen James look so solemn, and Sirius looks like he's bursting to say something, and Peter-- well, Peter always looks sort of nervous anyway.
"Oh... sure, of course." His bed is positioned next to James', so he sits on the side of it and James and Sirius do the same on James' bed. Peter awkwardly leans against the wall, looking like he's not sure whether he should be there or not.
There is an awkward silence where Remus waits for one of them to say something, James figures out what to say, and Peter waits to go along with whatever James says... but then Sirius cuts in with all his usual tact.
"We know you're a werewolf."
And Remus' world crashes around his ears. "I–" He chokes out, swallows roughly, tries again. He can't look any of them in the eye, he doesn't want to see the hatred, the disgust, the pity. "What? No I'm not! That's--"
"There's no point in lying anymore, alright?" Sirius' tone is perhaps more abrasive than he intended, and James smacks him in the arm.
Remus barely notices, his eyes flooding with tears, his voice choked with them. They fall as rushed, half-panicked words tumble out of his mouth. "Please don't tell anyone! I won't bother you, I swear, I won't talk to you ever again, I can-- I can ask to be put in a different dorm if you like, just please don't tell!" He's already lost the only friends he ever had but maybe he won't have to lose his education as well. A sob bubbles up in his throat and he bites back another one.
There's a stunned silence from the other boys. They've never seen him cry, not even when he fell from his broom during flying lessons the year before and broken his leg. Remus wipes at his eyes with his sleeve, ashamed.
James reacts first, moving over to Remus' bed and somewhat awkwardly rubbing his back. "Hey, none of that, alright? We don't care. We just wanted you to know that-- you don't have to hide it anymore, okay?"
Now it's Remus' turn to be stunned to silence as Sirius and Peter chime in their agreement.
They don't care? How can they not care? They've had a monster sharing their dorm with them, he's lied to them every month they were in school together for over a year now, and they don't mind?
"I don't understand..." He whispers, tangling his hands in the fabric of his pants and staring down at them. "It doesn't bother you at all?"
"You're still you." Sirius says, as though it's that simple. "You're our friend. Who else is gonna go over all of Pete's essays, huh? I know I'm not doing it. You're the only reason he got past first year!"
"Hey!" Peter protests, to the laughter of James and Sirius. "That's not true!"
Remus lets out a startled, somewhat watery laugh of his own, and glances up at Sirius, who is now beaming. No fear, no disgust, no pity. No hatred. Not in any of their faces. James' hand falls away from his back, but he's still nearby, a warm presence.
"You're not getting rid of us just because you have a furry little problem sometimes." James says with a grin, and Remus wipes at his eyes again, smiling, now trying to hold back tears of gratitude.
3. the willow incident
Remus' skin crawls with the rising of the moon and he paces restlessly, already having tucked away his clothes and his wand.
The terrible aching that's been present all day changes suddenly to searing heat, bones preparing to snap and stretch. A scream tears itself from his throat and he picks up one of the few remaining chairs, smashing it against the wall in a futile attempt of release from the pain of it.
The pain is maddening, all-consuming, as the sickening sound of his transformation fills his ears. Everything smells sharp, like even the scent of the wind could cut him open, and his eyes dart desperately to the moon, praying for it to deliver his mind from the torment, to let him slip into the blinding, deafening dark that will carry through til morning. He throws himself at the walls desperately, a sound of snapping wood, anything to end it, please just let it end.
Just before he succumbs to it, there's a scent on the air, something that makes his stomach twist in horrible realization. A human. Not dog or stag or rat and he knows the scent, recognizes who is about to become prey for the werewolf, and the instincts of the wolf take over before the mind of the boy has left, demanding blood hunt kill, and Remus' screams are no longer screams but howls, and finally the darkness mercifully takes him.
In the blink of an eye, Remus wakes up to the familiar sight of the hospital wing ceiling. The bone-deep ache is also familiar, but it hasn't been this bad in a long time. Not since Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail started accompanying him for full moons.
There are two hushed voices nearby and Remus slowly looks towards them, blinking blearily as James and Sirius emerge from under the cloak.
James looks furious, glaring at Sirius, and Sirius-- he looks like Padfoot did after he chewed a hole through Remus' shoe. The area around his right eyes is darkened, bruised and swollen.
"Hey, Moony." James' expression softens as he looks back at Remus, and hands him a glass of water Madam Pomfrey must have left at his bedside. Remus downs it gratefully, the cold liquid soothing his throat.
As usual, it takes a few confused moments for the last few moments of his memories of the night before return, and when they do, Remus feels like he might be sick.
"Someone-- Right before I transformed..." He whispered, horrified. "Someone was in the tunnel. It was Snape."
James opens his mouth to speak, but Sirius beats him to it.
"I didn't mean to, I swear... I didn't think he'd make it past the willow, not for a second! I just thought he'd get knocked around by it, you have to believe me!"
Remus' blood chills. James' hand clenches into a fist and he notices his knuckles are bruised. Slowly, the pieces are coming together, but as they do, Remus' world falls apart.
"Did I-- oh God..." He'd killed someone. He'd killed Snape. Or possibly turned him, possibly done the same horrific thing to him that was done to Remus as a child.
James notices his panic and speaks quickly. "I pulled him back before anything could happen. You didn't hurt anyone, Moony, but-- he did see you."
Remus slumped back onto his pillows, like a marionette whose strings had been cut. He hadn't hurt anyone-- anyone other than himself, anyway. But now, Snape knew without a doubt what he was-- and Sirius had been the one to deliver the means to that information.
That James was willing to punch Sirius, his brother in every respect that mattered, on his behalf-- he feels a strange sort of gratitude for that.
"You should both go." He says lowly, staring down at the blanket covering him.
"Wait, Moony, please... I'm so sorry, you have to forgive me!" Sirius pleads, and Remus has never heard him sound so desperate.
"Please go." He insists, closing his eyes before any tears can take shape and firming his tone. Either it does the trick, or James reigns him in.
"Alright, Moony... get some rest, yeah?" James says softly, and he hears the sound of the bed curtains opening and closing before two sets of footsteps fade away.
Remus takes the pillow from behind his head and presses it over his face, breathing in wetly and exhaling tears.
Snape knew. He already had every reason to hate Remus, and now he had the ammunition to ruin him. And he'd do it too, Remus had no doubt about that.
And Sirius-- Sirius had told him where to find him on the full moon. Why? Either he'd tried to murder Snape using Remus as the weapon, or he'd risked Remus' life and betrayed his trust for the sake of a violent "prank". He has no doubts what would have happened to him if he'd bitten or killed Snape-- it wouldn't matter that it wasn't his fault. He would have been put down by the Ministry, like a feral animal. Like a monster.
He sobs into the pillow. Either way, everything would change now. He wouldn't be allowed to go to school anymore, he was sure of it. And the Marauders-- the Marauders were over. How could they ever come back from this? How could he trust Sirius again? Sure, James was furious with Sirius right now, but the two of them had always been closest... he was sure if it came down to it, James would pick Sirius in the end. And wherever James went, Peter would follow. Not that that would really matter once he was kicked out of the school forever, would it? And what was wrong with him, that the quiet ember of the deeper feelings he'd been holding for Sirius hadn't flickered out?
4. war horrors
Remus had thought he'd known what he was getting into when he'd signed on with the Order. He thought he'd be prepared for it, between Moody's rushed but intense training and the stories he'd heard of the Death Eater's activities. He wasn't a squeamish person, either, not with the monthly transformations he'd experienced all of his remembered life.
None of that actually prepared him for this, though.
The Order had gotten intel that Voldemort was going to start sending Greyback to terrorize the families of those who refused to join him, but they'd been too late to stop him, that was clear as soon as they arrived and saw the Dark Mark over the Bones' residence.
Remus' blood had chilled but he and Moody had entered cautiously nonetheless, wands at the ready.
"You check the perimeter, Lupin." Moody grumbled in his usual gruff manner. "I'll look for survivors."
Remus nodded faintly, but the scent of blood was rotten in the air-- he knew there wouldn't be any. Later, he'd realize leaving him to check the perimeter instead of the bodies was Moody's attempt at being kind, but it was for naught.
One of the children had tried to escape. Or, that's what Remus guessed anyway, since he found what was left of her body in the backyard. She was so small, and if he didn't know Edgar had a five year old girl, he'd have had no chance of identifying her, so mangled was her tiny body.
Remus emptied his stomach into the shrubbery by the back door and didn't feel remotely better.
This is what people think of, when they think of werewolves, he thinks dully. But that monster didn't even do this on the full moon. He'd been completely cognizant, completely in control of his actions. And he'd done it on the orders of a wizard.
Remus gathered himself as best he could, doing his job of making certain the perimeter was clear before meeting Moody back inside. "We're clear. No sign of anyone left."
"Couldn't find the youngest girl." Moody mutters, but seems to see the answer in Remus' face before he gives it.
He shakes his head, falling into a kitchen chair more than sitting at it. "I think-- I think she tried to escape. Maybe she'd hidden or something, but-- she didn't make it."
There was a heavy silence between the two of them, and then Moody sighs.
"We were too late." Remus says roughly, hardly recognizing his own voice.
"Aye. Not the first time, and it won't be the last, lad. Up you go, there's work to be done yet. And then yer to go to the Potter's, understand? Yer not to be on yer own tonight." A heavy hand gripped his shoulder and Remus rose to his feet, trying to block out the grisly sight in the garden and focus on what needed to be done. Edgar Bones may have had Order information-- Greyback wasn't there for information-gathering, he was a final punishment. So anything that was here had to be found and either brought back to Dumbledore or destroyed.
"Get some water first, boy, you look like yer about to tip over!" Moody barked, and Remus followed the command blindly, though he felt wrong about moving about in a dead family's kitchen. He was going to feel even more wrong about digging through their things in search of Order information, he was sure, but Edgar had been an Order member. He'd known the risks.
They all knew the risks.